Millennials aren’t lazy...we’re just a generation of perfectionists. If we can’t do it perfectly, we won’t do it at all (and I say that as a borderline GenX/Millennial 80’s baby, so feel free to disagree).
I was like this about bone broth (which is an admittedly funny thing to be a perfectionist about). You know there are truly no limits to your nerdom when you happily pore over the nutritional properties of bone broth and spend 45 min driving to procure organic, free range chicken bones at $.63/lb.
Well I repent. Father I have sinned...and all that. I’m either on the down swing on the graph of healthy eating, or I’ve taken off those rose colored spectacles and realized I have four children I stay at home with 24/7. I can either wipe their precious bottoms, read them advanced literature, and be their positive mindset coach; or I can make bone broth...that they probably won’t even drink (for my best bone broth consumption tricks, see the notes at the bottom of the page).
So here is my cheater’s guide to bone broth.
Go to Costco.
Buy their $4.99 rotisserie chicken that’s at the frickin’ back of the warehouse.
Avoid buying anything not on your list between said back of store and cash register.
Eat the chicken for 1-2 dinners.
Make bone broth with the leftover carcass (mmm...carcass).
Yes, it’s not “all of the things”, but it is literally liquid gold in nutrient form and if your kids eat pop tarts for breakfast but drink a mug of bone broth, then at least their stomach gets coated in a nice thick layer of collagen and calcium in a bio-available form they can actually use. My kids growth, stamina, fingernails, hair, brainpower, sleepfullness and poop noticeably improve on bone broth, so I keep it around even if we are eating McDonald’s happy meals.
Also, you don’t have to do all of those fancy things like throw in a carrot, onion or celery. I know there’s a ostentatious French word for that, and you’re also supposed to throw in a spoonful of apple cider vinegar, but I’m here to tell you I have done extensive testing on every combination of bone broth possible (i.e. been in every permutation of lazy + lack of groceries) and my kids actually prefer the broth that doesn’t have any of the spiffy stuff added. A little bit of vinegar does help, but it can be laundry vinegar, salad dressing, or even pickle juice if need be. That plus salt, and you’re good to go.
To be perfectly clear, this is the complicated procedure.
Eat most of the chicken.
Dump chicken in pot or crockpot.
Fill with water.
Shake in a good bit of salt.
Cook for 4-5 hrs.
There are people who cook it for 24-48 hours (they are hardcore) and that’s fine too...it’s not bad, just different. Shorter broths have more gelatin and amino acids (which are sort of the bandaids and sprinters of the gut healing world) and longer broths have the higher mineral content for long term healing. You kind of need one before the other, so I think of Costco chicken as being more useful for the front line sort battle.
Now, onto the important parts. How to sneak bone broth into your loved ones:
Cook rice with bone broth.
Cook pasta with bone broth.
Boil potatoes in bone broth
Cook…whatever in bone broth (you get the idea).
Replace milk with bone broth in any savory recipe like quiche.
Scrambled eggs are AMAZING with bone broth. They turn out far fluffier and creamier than if you’d used milk, and not even the pickiest taste buds can taste the broth at all. I have extensively tested this with a variety of children in a strict laboratory setting.
Put it in smoothies in the place of juice or water (I promise you can’t taste it).
And the most important rule of bone broth is, “Don’t talk about bone broth”. Don’t tell anyone there’s bone broth in whatever dish you’ve prepared.
For straight broth consumption here are the promised kid tricks:
Put it in a stainless steel sippy cup or other opaque container.
Let them watch a Netflix show for every full 8 oz they drink.
Bribe them. 3 sips of bone broth=1 mini marshmallow or chocolate chip
Make chicken noodle soup for lunch using fun noodles (like avenger pasta), put in lots of butter and zero vegetables.
Put it in popsicles
Tell them it’s Harry Potter ButterBeer (this only works if your kids have never been to the amusement park and been ruined by the high fructose corn syrup version).
And most importantly. Drink it yourself. Let them see your eyes roll in the back of your head as you savor and appreciate how amazingly delicious it is.